dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
