I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
