we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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