is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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