I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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