You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
