Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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