my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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