that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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