***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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