i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i think i just lost a toe
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
