im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
