Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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