Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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