Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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