Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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