I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she smelled like a LAN party
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
