So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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