is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
