Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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