fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
