was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
