is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
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