I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
