Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
