Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
