so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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