Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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