So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
