I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
