So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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