Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
