dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
