Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
