He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
