so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
