Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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