I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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