Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
