yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I currently don't understand fingers.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
