marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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