Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize