We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
