You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
