so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
