Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
