What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
