I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
