I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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