dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
