just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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