I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
