GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
