I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
