so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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