We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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