dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
