period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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