He disabled his match.com account in front of me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
