Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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