So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
