ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
