After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
