wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
