All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
