Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
